I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

Never work with animals or children.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I never met a kid I liked.