The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

I'm searching for loopholes.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.