The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.