I drink therefore I am.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.

The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.