I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.