I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

I like children - fried.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?