I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.