I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

Never give a sucker an even break.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.