During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.