I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Never work with animals or children.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.