I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.