I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.