I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.