I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

You can't cheat an honest man.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

Never give a sucker an even break.