I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

I never eat before breakfast.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia