You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Never give a sucker an even break.

I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.