Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I'm looking for loopholes.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.