I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?

It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!