My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

Never work with animals or children.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.