My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.