Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.