Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.