Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.