Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.