I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

I'm searching for loopholes.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.