If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.