If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.