If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

You can't cheat an honest man.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.