If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.