When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.