When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.