Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.