Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

Ain't fit for man nor beast

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?