Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.

The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.