When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine