No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.