No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.