It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
Never work with animals or children.
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .