It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

I'm looking for loopholes.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.