It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.