Never work with animals or children.

Happiness means quiet nerves.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.