I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.