If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.