If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.