Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

I'm searching for loopholes.

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia