The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.