The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).