The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.