I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
I never met a kid I liked.