You can't cheat an honest man.
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.