Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I can do anything I want to do!

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.