There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
I must have a drink of breakfast.
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.