Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!