It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. FieldsNo man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. FieldsI think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields