I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

You can't cheat an honest man.