Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.