Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.