I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.