I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

I can do anything I want to do!