When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

I like children - fried.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.