When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

I drink therefore I am.

I never met a kid I liked.

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.