Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.