When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.