I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.