I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.