I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.

I never met a kid I liked.