Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I'm searching for loopholes.

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.