Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.