Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

Ain't fit for man nor beast

I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.