Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.