Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.