Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.