Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.