The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.