A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.