You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.