You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.