Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.